Sometimes I have an “aha!” moment. Today, this was one of them.
“The only way to pursue holiness is to pursue Jesus.”
And it’s not like I didn’t know this before.
I know that there is no holiness apart from Jesus. But this morning, it came to me in a powerful way.
Read this post - The Process Of Being Made Holy
See, I’ve been struggling a bit. I’ve been feeling a bit discouraged and despondent. I’ve been wallowing in self pity.
(I have a tendency to do this far more often than I’d like to admit.)
What am I doing here in this tiny, fly-in/fly-out community, that is making a difference? (We are living in a town in northern Canada just a 150 km from the arctic circle, for my husband’s job.)
What am I doing that is purposeful?
Are we going to come to the end of this three year commitment and I’ll leave without any change or growth or impact on anything or anyone?
I’ve been feeling like I’m just floating through the days, moving from one to the next, looking for something that will make me feel like I’m doing something of value and importance; something that will give me joy and purpose.
And the things that I find to do, usually satisfy; for a short time. Decorating my house. Working in our backyard to try to make it beautiful. Revamping my blog and my Facebook page. Reviving my YouTube channel.
But after a short time, these things lose their appeal and I am left unsatisfied and lonely and heavy with discouragement.
And yesterday, everything sorta came to a head.
I was feeling angry and bitter. I hated being here; feeling trapped with nowhere to go.
But this morning I woke up knowing that my problem; my discouragement; was anchored in “self”;
Self pity. Self loathing. Self seeking. Self serving. Self preservation. Selfishness.
I have been so focused on my”self”, that I lost sight of Jesus.
The Devil's Deception - Idolatry Of Self
And I’ll tell you what.
This is one of the greatest tactics that the enemy uses to destroy us. He entices us with self-serving desires. He entices us to focus on ourselves rather than on Jesus.
And even though the things we might focus on are not wrong in and of themselves, if they take our eyes off of Jesus; if they become more important than Jesus, it is a form of idolatry.
It is detrimental to our spiritual wellbeing and even more so, it is sin.
I realized that (again) this morning. (This is not a new road for me. I’ve walked it far too many times.)
So I laid out my sin (my idolatry of self) before the Lord. I acknowledged the devil's deception. Then I confessed, and repented from it.
I spent some time in worship.
I put on a garment of praise to overcome my spirit of heaviness, and as I worshipped Jesus, I could feel the discouragement dissipate. (Beloved, worship is a weapon!)
As I lifted my praise to Jesus, I asked Him to fill me and to cleanse me.
And because my greatest desire is to be holy as He asks me to be, I asked Him to help me to pursue holiness above pursuing my own, selfish ambitions.
And I felt this thought form in the back of my brain, "Then, pursue Me, Melinda."
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And, as always,
Stay holy, Beloved.