He is able.
I believe it with all my heart.
And in Him, I am able.
I bear His name.
I know that, in Christ, I have all authority.
Matthew 17:20 tells me that,
"With the faith of a mustard seed, I could say to this mountain,
'Move from here to there', and it will move."
He said it.
I believe it.
even though I believe it,
the mountains don't move.
I don't even like to admit that.
It doesn't make any sense to me.
I know that the Lord is true to His Word.
I know that He is forever faithful.
I have read; re-read, His promises to me.
I know that;
whatever I ask for in His name, it will be done,
that He is able to do immeasurably more than what I ask,
and that with my mustard seed faith, I should be able to move mountains.
the mountains don't move.
What happens when the mountains don't move?
What does it mean?
Did I fail?
Did He just not show up?
Did I not have even as much faith as a mustard seed?
Did I do something wrong?
Did I not pray hard, or often enough?
I have asked these very questions over and over,
and time and again.
And, I just don't understand.
I know He is faithful.
But sometimes, it seems He is not.
Recently, I heard this now, very familiar song, playing on the radio.....
"Thy Will" by Hillary Scott.
I've heard it many times before,
but, for some reason, this time, the words pierced my soul.
I’m so confused I know I heard You loud and clear So, I followed through Somehow I ended up here I don’t wanna think I may never understand That my broken heart is a part of Your plan When I try to pray All I’ve got is hurt and these four words Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done I know You’re good But this don’t feel good right now And I know You think Of things I could never think about It’s hard to count it all joy Distracted by the noise Just trying to make sense Of all Your promises Sometimes I gotta stop Remember that You’re God And I am not So Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will I know You see me I know You hear me, Lord Your plans are for me Goodness You have in store I know You hear me I know You see me, Lord Your plans are for me Goodness You have in store So Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done I know You see me I know You hear me, Lord
These words, raw, painful and deeply honest,
flooded my soul,
and my heart,
with the memory of a recent mountain that He didn't move.
And, I am unable to reconcile it.
I heard Him speak to me.
Loud and clear, I heard Him.
It was a painful thing He asked of me.
I was so afraid to step out in faith and do what He asked me to do.
What if this doesn't work?
What if this isn't actually God speaking to me?
What if don't do this right?
What if I get people's hopes up, and I fail?
"I don't know how to do this....."
"I don't know how to pray well enough for this."
"Oh God.....I'm so far away from where I should be with You."
"I can't do this......"
I wrestled with what He was asking me to do for more than a week.
But, He wouldn't let go.
So, I followed through.
I was so afraid.
Afraid that He wouldn't show up.
That He wouldn't answer my prayers.
But, I believed His promises to me.
I KNOW He can move mountains.
So I stepped out in faith, choosing to believe that He would.
I followed through.
I did one of the hardest things He's ever asked me to do.
But, in the end, He did not move the mountain.
My prayers did not work.
Maybe my faith was too small.
Maybe I was too small.
I was devastated.
I couldn't make sense of it.
Not only did I step out in faith,
but, I acted in obedience to a very specific thing He had asked me to do.
He asked me to pray a specific prayer,
and then He didn't answer it.
I was so confused.
I am still so confused.
"Your Word tells me that You are good.
I believe that You are good.
But, this..... this un-answered prayer,
one You specifically asked me to pray,
does not feel good.
It only feels painful.
I thought You were going to move a mountain, Lord.
But, You did not.
Maybe I didn't hear You correctly.....
Maybe I was confusing Your voice with a just a good though from my heart.
Maybe my intentions were misplaced.
I don't know.
I don't know the answers.
And now, where do I go from here?
I am afraid for the next time You ask something of me.
I am afraid that You won't show up.
I am afraid......
I know You're good.
I know You see me.
I know You hear me.
I know Your plans are for me.
I know You have good things in store for me.
I KNOW You're good."
But, here I am, still,
with a mountain that was never moved.
It stares me in the face,
reminding me of my failure.
At least, that's what it feels like.
And, I know that I am not alone.
Perhaps you have an un-moved mountain in your life, too.
I know the questions you have.
I know the doubts you face.
I know the guilt you feel over your inadequacy.
I know what it feels like to think you are a failure.
But, let me tell you this.
You are not!
You are not a failure!
And you are not alone.
I don't have the answers.
I don't know why He chooses to move some mountains,
and leave others where they sit.
I don't know why He asks things of us that don't seem to make any sense.
It is hard.
It is painful.
Sometimes we will look foolish.
Sometimes we will be ridiculed.
Sometimes we will be left feeling broken.
Do it anyway.
Step out in faith!
Pray the prayer!
Step out of the boat!
Stand before the giant,
even if you have to do it alone.
You won't have to do it alone.
He will always be with you.
But, if you feel like you need someone with skin,
Contact me somehow.
I don't have the all of the answers.
But I may have some.
I've walked the hard road.
More than once I've walked it.
And I will walk it again.
And I will walk with you.
It won't be easy.
Trust me on that.
Do it anyway.
maybe in the end, He won't move the mountain.
It doesn't matter.
We might not understand His ways,
but we know He is Good.
We KNOW He is Good.
Even when He doesn't move the mountains,
He is good.
And you never know,
maybe He will move this mountain.